BALLANTYNE'S IRREGULAR MUSINGS
Number 2
So. Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. I was in Newport Beach. Vox clamantis in deserto.
AN INVITATION TO EMPTINESS
Life is ultimately empty and beyond meaning and meaninglessness. There are no good deeds we can ever do which will bring us any favor from God and no bad deeds which will ever cause anything other than God's love to shine upon us. God has created this universe as His play and the sagest of all prayers is "God, thou hast created us against our wills. Free us!"
Most of us resist emptiness by doing things, being things, and having things. This resistance to emptiness can produce marvelous worldly results. Some of us begin to see that we are embracing only one side of the dualities of creation. True seekers persistently embrace the opposites in which we are immersed and in this embrace the opposites collapse into nothingness. To maintain this embrace is to come to the presence of emptiness and it is to this presence I strongly invite you and through which I will support you.
EMPTINESS PRACTICALLY CONSIDERED
It occurs to me many will think these writings are a fine exposition but don't apply. I pass on to you some practices of emptiness. See what happens. It can't possibly be worse than what is happening now. No one can practice for you.
. Don't eat or drink anything for three days
. OK. Just don't eat for three days and drink water
. Too long for you? Try it for one day
As a result of this practice I no longer believe I need to eat to live. Many things happened to me during the time I was practicing this. Have times of your own.
. Take a long period of time, by your definition, and travel without any particular destination in mind. See what happens.
I could tell many stories of my experiences doing this. This, in fact, may be my favorite practice. The word fakir in Sanskrit describes a type of wandering ascetic in India. The actual practice of a fakir is to stay no longer than three days in any one place because they will inevitably begin to become attached to things.
The first time I went camping as an adult I took $2200 and put it in my pocket and went to the airport and flew to San Jose from Newark, N.J. I was headed for Yosemite which I had heard of but never been to. I had no idea how to get there so as we began the descent I got out the California map and began to conjure. The fellows next to me in the aisle borrowed the map and I managed to get a ride with them all the way to Merced. Many adventures followed and when it came time to leave I went to the gas station at the Tuolumne Meadows campground and the first person I asked for a ride took me and the car full of Girl Scouts she was shepherding all the way to the San Jose airport. I was headed for Vancouver. I had a friend there and knew the name of the place he was staying but nothing else. I ended up living at a Chinese Buddhist temple for two weeks before traveling on to other adventures.
. Walk, hitchhike, bicycle, bum rides or take the bus everywhere you go for a week.
. Make a commitment to meditate for one hour a day for one week and keep it.
. Take a moment to ponder your emptiness each day for a while. "How am I doing on my emptiness?"
. Throw away, sell or give away everything you haven't used in the past year.
. Move. Just for the heck of it.
Back when I was a computer consultant I kept extensive files from periodicals on new developments because the field moved so quickly that was the only way to keep current. This was the idea base that I brought to the next job. I finally threw all this 'stuff' away and was forced to create or recreate what I then needed. I acknowledge anyone who is willing to operate in these lands of not knowing because I know the courage it takes. I will support you in travel to these places. I might even buy you a ticket.
. Stop helping other people - especially people who haven't asked for help.
. Don't talk to anyone for 24 hours.
. Engage three strangers a day in conversation.
One thing I discovered somewhere along in these practices is that my desire to be free was interfering with my freedom. I saw that I was free but was bound by my desire to be free. All I had to do was to be free because I was and stop desiring it. Wanting and having are two different things. Stop wanting what you want. You can never get enough of what you don't really want. Stop wanting and start having.
DON'T ATTACH MEANING TO EMPTINESS
Its important to distinguish emptiness from other things and this is best done by not attaching meaning to emptiness. The power of emptiness comes from simply nonjudgmentally allowing it to be, acknowledging it and standing before it. To label emptiness depression or aloneness or even feelings of suicide disempowers emptiness. Be empty.
CHRISTMAS MESSAGE
Arise! Awake! Oh brothers and sisters of immortality. Think not that God exists in one place more than any other place.
All the Gods and Goddesses that ever were live now in the core of your heart as your very own Self.
They, as us, were never born and will never die.
Give birth, therefore, to this knowing of your own immortality.
This is the one and true nativity.
And so it was and always will be.
CARLOS
XMAS 92
